


Snow Fall

by multifandomxgoddess



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt, guys this is honestly so saddening run while you can, trigger warning, why am i like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 23:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13534938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomxgoddess/pseuds/multifandomxgoddess
Summary: Post 3x07After the events of the episode "Killer Frost" Caitlin feels that she's too much of a danger to the people she loves. Can Barry get to her before she does something drastic?





	Snow Fall

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING:  
> Depression  
> Suicidal Thoughts  
> Attempted Suicide (No major character death, don't worry)
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't own the Flash or any of the characters. If I did, I would fix so much while still making you cry.
> 
> I really hope this fic doesn't upset anyone. It's pretty depressing, but it's just an idea I had when I first watched 3x07: Killer Frost.

The tears streaking down my face turn to frost. I can’t remember what it’s like to feel warm. It’s like the sunlight has never touched my skin. I’ve only ever gotten a taste of what it truly does to me. My rage doesn’t burn, my happiness doesn’t shine. No matter what emotion I feel, it’s cold. Empty. But today was different. Today I hurt people…hurt Barry. That can’t happen again. But I can’t control it, so there’s only one way to end it. Standing on a rooftop, looking down at the city lights, I know I’m making the right choice. Better me than them.

  
“Caitlin” I hear the all too familiar choked voice behind me.

  
“What are you doing here, Barry? You’re not supposed to be here.” I reply, not turning around.

  
“I came to check on you. Your apartment door was open, so was the door to the stairwell. Cait, come down from there so we can talk.” Barry pleads, trying to keep his voice calm. I know what he thinks. He thinks the monster in me can be controlled, that things can go back to the way they were. But they can’t—we can’t. He’s seen Killer Frost, but he refuses to believe the truth. I ignored it too, for a time. She is a part of me. She is me. And she needs to be stopped before she hurts someone else.

  
“This is for the best, Barry. We can’t let Killer Frost loose. She needs to be stopped. I need to be stopped. This is the only way.”

  
“No, it’s not. We will find a cure.”

  
He always was a wishful thinker. He doesn’t see how hopeless this is. I’m a lost cause. I finally turn around. “And how many people will I have killed by then? Will you be among them? I can’t let that happen. Just go home, let me end this and put us all out of our misery.”

  
“I’m not leaving you. Do you hear me? I’m. Not. Leaving. Now or ever. You’re one of my best friends, Caitlin.” Some friend I am. Every time I close my eyes I see Cisco begging me to win the battle raging inside of me. I hear Barry crying out in pain as an icicle I created tears through the tendons in his leg. “I almost killed you.” “But you didn’t, you fought back.” He sounds almost proud. Who am I now, that not killing one of my best friends is an accomplishment?

  
“I’m tired of fighting, Barry. I’m tired of being terrified that I’ll snap and kill everyone I care about. Are you really willing to risk that? Risk Iris?”

  
If he could just see the future I do. One with Cisco’s hands covered in ice and shattering like glass. One with Iris laying on the ground with an icicle piercing her heart. One where the reason Wally finally slows down is because he’s freezing. One with Joe dying of hypothermia and HR begging me to stop. One where I don’t. One where the next time I kiss Barry, he can’t escape the cold. If he could see that future like I do, he’d understand and let me go. If I were him, I’d push me off the ledge.

  
“It’s not a risk. I know you. Do you remember what I said earlier tonight? Underneath all that cold you’re still you. It’s not any less true now then it was a few hours ago. It’s not any less true than it was when we met.”

  
_I just noticed you don’t smile much._

  
I remember being surprised. While I knew everyone had noticed the change in me, no one commented on it. They probably were worried about setting me off. If they had known then what they do now…

  
“You also said we’ve been through too much together to let each other down now. So, I’m going to do what is best for everyone. I’m going to do what I’ve always tried to do—protect you.”

  
And with that I let myself fall. The wind is roaring, but I can still hear Barry scream my name. He’ll be okay. He has Cisco and Iris, Joe, HR, and soon, Wally. Team Arrow will stand by him and help in any way they can. With time, I’ll be nothing but a vague memory of a girl who was there when it all began. It’s better that he remembers me as that girl, rather than watch me become a monster I can’t fight.

Just before I should have hit the hard concrete, I feel soft yet strong arms wrap around me. My feet touch the ground softly, but my knees buckle and he catches me once again.

  
“You’re okay, I’ve got you. You’re okay.” Barry says, paraphrasing what he’d said in the pipeline.

  
“No…no, why would you do that?” I ask, desperate.

  
“Because I’m the one who is supposed to protect you, Cait. We’ll figure this out, together.”

 

For the first time that I can remember, I feel warm.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooo what do you guys think? Is it okay or should I delete my account and hide in a corner?
> 
> I live for feedback


End file.
